My father passed away five years ago next week. I’m nearly 34 years old (my birthday also being next week) and had dealt with my fair share of grief over the years. This time, though, it was completely different. Grief hit me hard. I bounced back and forth between each stage randomly and unpredictably. I’d spend hours just sitting on the couch, staring off into space, reliving memories over and over again. It was though I was worried they’d fade, that I’d forget the sound of his voice or how he was the only person who could make grocery shopping fun. I had no idea how to cope, if any of what I was feeling was “normal”, and felt completely and utterly alone, despite the offers of help and shoulders from friends and family members.
Everyone deals with grief in their own unique way. Obviously, the coping techniques I had used up until this point weren’t exactly the healthiest ones. Finding strategies that work can be hard. Sometimes it takes a while before you stumble on the right ones for you. For me, pursuing my geeky interests with the goal of finding ways to heal helped. I’ll never “be okay” with a world without my dad. My step mom phrased it perfectly when she said that things wouldn’t be normal again; we just have to find a new normal now. Nothing will remove the ache that his death caused, but finding solace in comic books, sci-fi, and fantasy helped me cope.
Literature And Grief
A friend of mine at work suggested I try to lose myself in a book, thinking that a fictional world might give me a bit of an escape. Her idea was sound, but I simply didn’t have the focus for prose. I’d stare off into space, obsessively committing minor details about my dad to memory. I had started to read comic books before he passed away, but this was limited to Batwoman and Detective Comics. Afterwards, I noticed that I was able to focus long enough to read a single issue. From here, my reading branched out to include heroes and characters from multiple publishers and creators. One moment that stood out was reading an issue of Birds of Prey, in which Black Canary speaks of her mother, who, like my dad, passed away after a battle with cancer. Despite the fact that there was very little else we had in common, knowing that she persevered gave me strength. I eventually looked up Secret Origins #50 to read the story itself.
Grief is an isolating experience. Even though others around you are mourning the loss of the same person, no two people go through the same set of emotions. Navigating conflicting and confusing emotions is tricky under the best of circumstances. With the addition of loss and the type of pain that comes with it, it can be downright impossible. In times like these, many of us turn to stories to help make sense of the overwhelming feelings loss creates. Watching characters sort through similar emotions can help us process our own. Knowing that it is possible to manage grief and come through on the other side is empowering. When you are dealing with such a helpless emotion, any type of empowerment goes a long way. Read more.
via Geeks In Art